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Overview:
Will You Be The Next To Save Your Marriage?
Don’t Be Another Statistic
Author Says “I Was Guilty Of Bad Therapy At One Time”
Anyone Is Capable of Saving Their Relationship
But When Is Saving The Marriage Impossible?
Do You Make These Mistakes?
No marriage crisis appears overnight. Rather, the crisis slowly builds over time, with one person often caught completely off-guard, and the other claiming that he or she is tired of trying and trying, with no change.
Dr. Baucom reports that the damage is done when one needs to have something change, but the other seems to be preserving exactly what the spouse wants to change. For example, there is often a desire for a shift in the power structure of the relationship, but one person resists making any change. The other person, who wants the change, becomes more and more frustrated.
This leads to a pattern where a spouse suddenly announces that the marriage is over, and the other spouse is seemingly unaware that there is even a problem. “I don’t know how many times I have heard someone say ‘sure, it wasn’t the best of relationships, but I didn’t know my partner was so miserable.’” Unfortunately, the “not knowing” is translated as “not caring,” and gives proof that the marriage is over.
“More marriages die from neglect than anything else” theorizes Dr. Baucom. Often, it is simply a matter of life getting in the way. Strangely, something as important as marriage gets ignored.
On our wedding days, no one expects their marriage to fail. And when people rate their priorities, their marital relationship always ranks in the top 4. But according to research, couples spend on average less than 4 minutes per day talking about issues that do not include schedules and the kids.
As neglect sets in, the lack of attention eats away at the relationship, slowly eroding the capacity of the couple to form a substantial relationship. At that point, it is only a matter of time before the issue arises that casts the marriage into a crisis.
The issue may be another person, a job change, a shift in life circumstances or stage. When it comes, one or the other feels the hopelessness of the situation, and moves to resolve the crisis by getting out of the marriage.
How A Marriage Crisis Develops
When the crisis is in full swing, it sometimes takes awhile for the other spouse to respond. Dr. Baucom uses this fact to create a path back to wholeness. He states that “too many other programs treat the way back as one path. But I believe there are 8 distinct paths that must be addressed differently. What is helpful at one stage can be destructive, or at least counterproductive, at another stage.”
In fact, Dr. Baucom has created a path for each stage that resolves the crisis. These paths have been tested and successful for many of Baucom’s private coaching clients.
But Dr. Baucom thinks that it is not just a matter of knowing what to do at each stage. According to Dr. Baucom, a great amount of damage is inflicted in the first bit of the crisis. So knowing what not to do is equally important. (Hint: Of the top 6 mistakes, number 6 is wasting time. People procrastinate, hoping things will work themselves out . But instead, momentum begins to move against them.)
The innocent beginnings of a crisis (neglect, lack of understanding, etc.) can quickly spin into a crisis that puts the entire marriage at risk. At this point, the trajectory of the relationship can become unpredictable. But the path back is predictable, according to Dr. Baucom. “How a marriage falls apart, that can happen in a million ways. But how a marriage recovers, there is only one path back.”
And that has been the emphasis of Dr. Baucom’s work: the path back. Dr. Baucom has isolated the path from the verge of destruction to the full recovery of a marriage. “Couples cannot simply get back to where they were when the marriage got in trouble. The marriage already had the beginnings of a crisis. Instead, it needs to get to a place where the marriage is insulated against any future crisis. In other words, an average marriage isn’t enough in my mind. I want people to create an exceptional marriage!”
From what we have been able to see, Dr. Baucom has been able to accomplish this. We are including a few letters Dr. Baucom showed us from people who have only read his material. These aren’t even his clients, just those who have read his materials! You can read the letters in just a moment.
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